Romney’s campaign has kicked into high gear to combat his image as robotic and difficult to relate to. I thought I’d do my part to help.
I realized today that ben bernanke, the chairman of the federal reserve, is a panda. but don’t take my word for it…
Faces of the London Olympics were just too good to pass up…
it’s all fun and games until your manager openly supports communist dictatorships. new marlins jerseys?
3 weeks ago, I came to the dismal conclusion that my study abroad experience has not been as life-enriching as I had hoped. Upon this realization, I cut short my historical tour of central-eastern Europe after only 2 days and rushed back to UCD so I could watch the complete first season of Digimon: Digital Monsters.
Finally. Something worthy of my cerebral capacity, of my overwhelming philosophical maturity. A show so rich in life lessons it should be taxed and given to the hobos on Dame Street. At long last I can come home the pretentious hipster I hoped I could become in Europe. But don’t worry, internetters, I wouldn’t leave without sharing such enlightenment—I have shared below the 25 most important life lessons from the first season of Digimon:
1. It’s okay to destroy entire ecosystems to achieve your objective.
2. If a talking dinosaur appears on your doorstep and says he wants to be your friend, you should believe everything he says and not go see a therapist.
3. If there is a massive earthquake threatening to destroy the entire city, you should let your kids run outside to play in it.
4. When you kill someone, they just reappear somewhere else.
5. Everything about Buddhism is correct.
6. Working out won’t make you stronger, but binge eating and staring at flashing lights will give you superpowers.
7. You can survive for over 4 weeks on a candy bar in your back pocket.
8. The book lied. Nobody poops.
9. If you dive at a computer, you’ll get sucked in.
10. Multiple personality disorder affects approximately 90% of humans and animals.
11. If you plan on going on a trip for longer than 4 weeks, you should only pack one shirt.
12. If you accidentally fall into a near-freezing ocean, you can warm up quickly by laying in the snow on a nearby glacier.
13. It takes approximately 5 seconds for 3rd degree burns to heal.
15. If your child suddenly starts consuming five times as much food at mealtimes for several weeks, then stops, then starts again, there is no reason to be concerned.
16. 5 year old girls should be considered superweapons.
17. Birds don’t need to flap their wings to stay in the air.
18. Humans are the only animals that cannot shoot lethal beams of energy from their mouths.
19. All pets can talk. If yours can’t, he’s a piece of shit and you should have him put down.
20. Gravity is a myth.
21. If your daughter only owns one shirt and wears a helmet 24/7, she’s definitely not a lesbian, so don’t listen to what the other moms say.
22. If you wear elbow-length gloves to school every day, you won’t get teased.
23. If you get divorced, your children are more likely to grow up to save the world.
24. If you blow up a bridge, the city will have it repaired by morning.
25. Sometimes you have to be willing to sacrifice your family members to save your computer.